Conquering Fear and Anxiety: Where it all began

I was eight years old, when I met him. It was the first time I was seeing someone of another colour pigmentation other than myself or my family. He came with my aunt in a bright red car, that seemed to take up the entire front yard.

It wasn’t the first time I was seeing a car; but it was the first time I was seeing one this close. Many days on my way home from school, one or maybe two would pass us on the road.

As children, it was fun to see cars passing by and we jokingly argued among ourselves, which one of us owned the car. If we happened to see the same car more than once, it was a joy, and we would often debate the make of the car, or even speculate where the car could be heading.

In those days, having a car was a valuable treasure. Most persons in my community walked to and from their destinations, or occasionally chartered a taxi for special events; or an emergency.

When he spoke, I could not understand his accent. His way of speaking was different from ours, and try as I could it was difficult to catch unto most of the words he said. Eventually after listening keenly, and over time I began to put sentences together. Before he left the house that day, I understood everything that he spoke; even his laugh was contagious!

I was quite the chatterbox! Not only was I excited to meet this man from another country and culture, but it was also the first time I was meeting my eldest aunt. He was her husband.

He laughed every time I spoke and became fascinated when I tried to get him to say something in patois. Years later, he would tell my aunt that he did not understand a word I said, but I spoke with such life and humour, that he could not help listening and being amused. The language barrier it seemed was a challenge for both of us.

He came to visit us with my aunt every day. She would spend hours talking to my grandfather, while my grandmother cooked up a storm in the kitchen for our guests. She was quite a chef; and to this day, we still reminisce on some of the meals ‘she used to tun her hand and meck fashion.’

I was left to entertain him and he didn’t mind; and he was the perfect gentleman.  Sun burnt or not, with my little feet, pitter pattering in front of him, he followed me around the yard; from the chicken coop to the pig pen, on every acre of the farm; and eventually over the wall at the ackee tree unto the neighbouring Estate. 

We picked mountain guava’s, raspberries and cherries that were in abundance, and avoided the cows grazing in the nearby pasture. They were always fierce and locked horns quite frequently. My legs were certainly not fast enough to outrun them and I was also sure, he had never run from a fly; much-less a cow in his entire life, so there was no way I could save him.

The sun seared through the evening sky on many of our walks, and we would often rest on the stones under the shade of the infamous ackee tree, or the nearby naseberry or tangerine trees. The mosquitos kept us busy, and after a few days he literally bathed from head to toe in mosquito repellent.

One afternoon after our long walk on the other side of the district; far away from the cows, the pesky mosquitos and the herds of goats from our neighbors; he told me that he would be returning to his country. He knew I would be sad, but told me if I wrote to him, he would always keep in touch with me.

He had written his address on a sheet of paper beforehand, and diligently took the time to explain to me how to address the envelope when I wrote to him.  This was important, because if I missed a number, a word or a letter it could go to the wrong address.

As the car exited our home, rocking slowly from side to side, down the croton lined driveway, my heart sank. I missed him already. My grandmother sensing my inner feelings, took my hands and gently guided me to sit with her on the steps of the veranda.

A butterfly flapped its wings and gently flew across our path. The bees on the nearby rose bushes, hummed away, as I layed my tear streaked face on my grandmother’s lap. For some strange reason, I knew this was not the end; it was the beginning of something new, a paradigm shift in the way my life would change…

HOW DOES STRESS CAUSE ANXIETY?  (PART TWO)

STRESS AT WORK

Most jobs involve some degree of stress, and this can affect people at all levels within an organisation, including frontline employees, managers and senior leaders.

Some stress is reasonable, but it becomes an issue when it is excessive and ongoing. There are some strategies everyone can adopt to manage and reduce their own stress levels, as well as find a positive work-life balance.

Workplace stress can occur when there is a mismatch between the requirements of the role, your capabilities and resources and supports available.

Everyone knows what stress feels like and we have probably all experienced it at some stage – at home, school or work, or while getting outside our comfort zone, but while this stress is normal, if it is ongoing, it can become a problem.

SIGNS OF WORK STRESS

Stress is a normal response to the demands of work. It can be beneficial in short bursts, helping you stay alert and perform at your best.

However, prolonged or excessive job stress can be damaging to your mental health. Stress can contribute to the development of anxiety and or depression, and may cause an existing condition to worsen.

As well as affecting your relationships and life outside work, stress can increase your risk of injury, fatigue and burnout.

CONTRIBUTING FACTORS TO WORK STRESS

•             working long hours or overtime, working through breaks

               or taking work home

•             doing shift work

•             time pressure, working too hard or too fast, or unrealistic targets

•             having limited control over how you do your work

•             limited input into broader decisions by the business

•             not receiving enough support from supervisors,

              managers and/or co-workers

•             job insecurity

•             high mental task demands, work that requires

              high-level decision making

•             a lack of role clarity

•             poor communication

•             conflict with colleagues or managers

•             bullying

•             low levels of recognition and reward

•             work that is emotionally disturbing or requires

               high emotional involvement

•             poorly managed change, lack of organizational justice

•             discrimination – whether based on gender, ethnicity,

               race or sexuality

HOW TO STOP WORRYING

Are you plagued by constant worries and anxious thoughts? These tips can help calm your worried mind and ease anxiety.

TIP THREE: Distinguish Between Solvable And Unsolvable Worries

Research shows that while you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious. Running over the problem in your head distracts you from your emotions and makes you feel like you’re getting something accomplished. But worrying and problem solving are two very different things.

Problem solving involves evaluating a situation, coming up with concrete steps for dealing with it, and then putting the plan into action. Worrying, on the other hand, rarely leads to solutions. No matter how much time you spend dwelling on worst-case scenarios, you’re no more prepared to deal with them should they actually happen.

Is your Worry Solvable?

• Productive, solvable worries are those you can take action on right away. For example, if you’re worried about your bills, you could call your creditors to see about flexible payment options.
• Unproductive, unsolvable worries are those for which there is no corresponding action. “What if I get cancer someday?” or “What if my kid gets into an accident?”
• If the worry is solvable, start brainstorming. Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung up on finding the perfect solution. Focus on the things you have the power to change, rather than the circumstances or realities beyond your control.
• After you’ve evaluated your options, make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less anxious.
• If the worry is not solvable, accept the uncertainty. If you’re a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts probably fall in this camp. Worrying is often a way we try to predict what the future has in store-a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn’t work.
• Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present.

HOW TO CHALLENGE THESE THOUGHTS

To stop worrying, tackle your need for certainty and immediate answers

• Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain? What is the likelihood they will?
• Given the likelihood is very low, is it possible to live with the small chance that something negative may happen.
• Ask your friends and family how they cope with uncertainty in specific situations. Could you do the same?
• Tune into your emotions. Worrying about uncertainty is often a way to avoid unpleasant emotions. But by tuning into your emotions you can start to accept your feelings, even those that are uncomfortable or don’t make sense.

SOURCE: www. helpguide.org; http://www.healthline.com; http://www.adaa.org; http://www.headsup.org.au

Keisha A. Hill is media practitioner and communications consultant. Send feedback to kanhillcommunications@gmail.com or editorial@oldharbournews.com. Visit Jamaican Chronicles to read more blogs by the author.