Dear Editor,

I have been wanting to throw a stone at the dog news for some time now. This, despite my sadness and concern about the lockdown/restriction on the essential service of the Church. You would have noted sentiments in the news saying that a planeload of dogs was rescued from Jamaica and given new homes in Canada. What did you just say? My reaction exactly. 

We are not sure if the move was instigated by the ongoing reduction in food ration or whether the dogs have grown tired of our verbal and physical abuses. Usually, people would say 'dog eat your supper', but dogs have not been getting much especially since the downturn in social events and the hotel industry. Moreover, more stressed out people working from home may have translated into less food for the dog, yet increased persecution - especially from the kids.

Unlike some of my friends, mongrels are the only dogs I have ever taken care of and I'm proud of it. For one, they are easy to care and I don't recall taking 'Bruce' nor 'Gypsy' to the vet. Mongrels are practical dogs - they understand that food is not plenty and they have at times found creative ways to help themselves such as eating pear and mangoes, whilst chewing on grass now and then for medicine. And how can I forget the ever-present staple of leftovers from the table.

They are not proud of it, but it is a fact that mongrels also have sticky paws aka pilferage. I still remember the day Bruce took up the cup of milk from off the 2.5 ft table without spilling it, and the two young chickens he took as dividends for his security services to the foul coop. And no doubt other things that were blamed on the cat.

To their credit, dogs are good at getting stuck - literally. Now that they are migrating to Canada, things will be a little harder. They have always being biting people, now it's time for the cold to bite them back. The freezing weather and controlled living environment will be the most disappointing part of our friends' new life. But they will manage.

The news of their emigration was enough to make you cough out your chewing gum. What caught my attention first were the many pictures of Canadian dogs sending messages to loved ones back home and Jamaicans in turn offering public apologies to these bony canines. I don't recall any other of our animal friends having such an effect on humans.

Puss and dog really don't have the same luck. No doubt the cats and remaining dogs are still in disbelief that a handful of their friends were raptured overnight to Canada. The biggest bone of contention is the fact that dogs are stepping up in life when regular individuals can't even get visas to the maple country.

I do hope Bruno doesn't bring the bad behaviour of peeing and making bedroom toilets to his new home. Or he would be in the first 'barking stock' of deported canines. He must now put his best paw forward. Passing gas in the house is a no, no. Playing in his vomit will now be an abomination. Unlike the lazy-dog lifestyle practised in Jamaica, he will have to become more useful - bringing in the newspaper, monitoring the squirrels and offering care to geriatric patients among other things.

We used to say 'every dog has its day', the day never come any sooner. I suspect that the Jamaican twang will now become the Jamaican bwark. Even worse, Bruno may be gone a foreign gone speaky spoky - especially since him did need dentures. We are all wondering if when they play with Bruno, Bruno will lick them mouth.

To our remaining canine family, please don't become dog-hearted and demanding. Your counterparts have not emigrated 6 months as yet, so don't be requesting remittances. We know you are eager to remove the 'bruk like dog' label, but not at the expense of jeopardizing the future of your brothers and sisters. At least, now there will be fewer dogs to eat your supper.

The matter at hand is a serious one - we just never had given our mongrels the respect they deserve. Our elite mongrels are in a better place. They won't miss getting overnight food or being kicked or having to chase cars for entertainment. So will people still say 'Jamaica has gone to the dogs?’ How can they, when the dogs are migrating - to Canada at that? We now have to say, 'the dogs have gone to Canada'. No doubt the price for mongrels will be going up.

Yet, the shame is still in our eyes concerning the way our friends had to leave. The whole ordeal has left us wondering if 'a so me know mi lose a friend'. Had we known ahead of time, we would have switched the menu to fatten them more – give them some uptown turn cornmeal,  hereo cereal, grace mackerel and KFC. Even for the trip, we would have packed a grip nicely with a Jamaican flag, a bandana, two pairs of crep from Ms. Bev, one roast breadfruit with beef gravy, a little cake and two slice a bread. Now it's unlikely that we'll hear dog bark bout him yard again. It's just a wait and say for they say dogs have good memory.

Gayrol Taylor
gayrol.taylor@gmail.com